![\"IMG_0282\"](\"https:\/\/www.firstlighthomecare.com\/home-healthcare-salem\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/88\/2015\/12\/IMG_0282-e1450807679876-225x300.jpg\")
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Even though I work in senior care every day and advise people on the care of their aging loved ones, I\u2019m the first to admit I don\u2019t always make the right decisions or act the right way with my own family members. I can calmly and patiently deal with just about anything from a client, but when it\u2019s my own family\u2014when it\u2019s personal\u2014it\u2019s a lot harder to see clearly. Like everyone, my patience and compassion sometimes gets clouded by my expectations for how things should be, my memories of how they used to be, and my wishes for what they could be.<\/p>\n
This is the time of year where the shoulds and coulds can cause lots of disappointment. We get so caught up in traditions and our idea of how things should or could be, we forget to be realistic about how they really are.<\/p>\n
I admit I struggled with this our last Christmas with my father-in-law. I went into the holidays and our trip to Florida expecting perfection\u2014caroling and cheer on Christmas Eve, awe and wonder for our little boys on Christmas morning, a big homemade feast filled with laughter and long conversation, late nights reminiscing about past Christmases.<\/p>\n
It didn\u2019t quite shake out that way. When we arrived, my father-in-law\u2019s health (both physical and mental) had deteriorated significantly since our last visit. Our kids\u2014ages 3 and 1 at the time\u2014were demanding at best. And we both had jobs that required emails and phone calls on Christmas Eve.<\/p>\n
Our story isn\u2019t unique. The holidays are stressful for everyone, especially if you\u2019re trying to juggle the care of your loved one with the tasks you need to get done and the expectations of different generations. Oftentimes, the traditions you\u2019ve always upheld won\u2019t be possible. Your mom won\u2019t be able to make it to church, your dad won\u2019t feel up to a big family dinner, or you won\u2019t be able to host your annual party.<\/p>\n
You may need to make a choice\u2014either to futilely force the \u201cWe always\u201d or enthusiastically embrace the \u201cThis year.\u201d (\u201cThis year, we\u2019re celebrating Christmas a day early with mom so she can see the kids open a few presents without all the chaos of Christmas morning.\u201d \u201cThis year, we\u2019re going to call Dad after dinner and make sure everyone in the family talks with him since he doesn\u2019t feel up to joining us.\u201d \u201cThis year, we\u2019re going to the 4 p.m. mass instead of midnight so Mom can be there.\u201d)<\/p>\n
On our last Christmas with Dad, we passed over a lot of traditions. On Christmas Eve, we skipped the big party and instead watched a movie. Dinner was simple and unscheduled. Sometimes, Dad was with us, other times he opted to be alone, and much of the time\u2014even while we opened presents Christmas morning\u2014he was asleep. It wasn\u2019t the magic-filled holiday I imagined, but our kids didn\u2019t notice, Dad was included as much as he wanted to be, and we were all together.<\/p>\n
That holiday was a great learning experience for me\u2014not just as a family caregiver but as a person who can only do and control so much. Dad might get tired. Mom might not like a meal she\u2019s always eaten. The kids might throw up, have earaches, or cry through dinner (in our family, they\u2019ll likely do all three). The holidays most likely won\u2019t be perfect, but accepting the imperfect will undoubtedly make them much less stressful for all.<\/p>\n
Molly Rowe owns FirstLight Home Care with her husband, Steve, and lives in Swampscott with their two sons. FirstLight provides non-medical in-home care to adults in Swampscott, Marblehead, Lynn, Salem, Peabody, Danvers, Beverly, and Lynnfield. For more information and help caring for your loved ones in the comfort of their own homes, please visit FirstLight\u2019s website at <\/em>www.salem.firstlighthomecare.com<\/em><\/a> or contact Molly at <\/em>781-691-5755\/mrowe@firstlighthomecare.com<\/em><\/a><\/p>\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Even though I work in senior care every day and advise people on the care of their aging loved ones, I\u2019m the first to admit I don\u2019t always make the right decisions or act the right way with my own family members. I can calmly and patiently deal with just…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":592,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[14],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-589","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-caring-for-aging-parents"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.firstlighthomecare.com\/home-healthcare-salem\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/589","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.firstlighthomecare.com\/home-healthcare-salem\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.firstlighthomecare.com\/home-healthcare-salem\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.firstlighthomecare.com\/home-healthcare-salem\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.firstlighthomecare.com\/home-healthcare-salem\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=589"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.firstlighthomecare.com\/home-healthcare-salem\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/589\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.firstlighthomecare.com\/home-healthcare-salem\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/592"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.firstlighthomecare.com\/home-healthcare-salem\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=589"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.firstlighthomecare.com\/home-healthcare-salem\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=589"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.firstlighthomecare.com\/home-healthcare-salem\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=589"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}