{"id":597,"date":"2016-01-07T14:02:29","date_gmt":"2016-01-07T14:02:29","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.firstlighthomecare.com\/home-healthcare-salem\/?p=597"},"modified":"2026-02-02T15:02:33","modified_gmt":"2026-02-02T15:02:33","slug":"597","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.firstlighthomecare.com\/home-healthcare-salem\/2016\/01\/07\/597\/","title":{"rendered":"Ebbs and Flows: The Rollercoaster of Caregiving"},"content":{"rendered":"
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The ups and downs of caregiving can be as ever-changing as the tides.<\/p><\/div>\n

One of the hardest adjustments for me when I became a new parent was accepting the ebb and flow of caregiving. People had warned me about the sleep deprivation that comes with late-night feedings but they didn\u2019t warn me about the stress of his ups and downs\u2014he eats everything, then he eats nothing; he finally sleeps through the night, then he\u2019s up all night teething; he loves preschool, then he hates it. Every time it seemed like I\u2019d cracked the secret code of parenting, he\u2019d throw me a curveball.<\/p>\n

Especially in those early days, every quiet moment in the car, every walk around the grocery store, every naptime, was filled with my screaming brain: \u201cIs he sleeping enough or too much? How can I get him to eat more vegetables? He\u2019s digressing on potty training. He\u2019s sad about going to school. Is he getting sick?\u201d More exhausting than providing the actual care for my newborn was the amount of time I spent dissecting his roller coaster of habits for signs of change.<\/p>\n

The brain drain I experienced caring for my newborn son is similar to the mental exhaustion people feel caring for sick or aging loved ones. That roller coaster of care, especially in the last years, months, and days, can take its toll on caregivers.<\/p>\n

We have a great phone call or visit with Dad one day, but the next, he\u2019s confused and forgetful. Mom is sweet and happy at lunch but agitated and paranoid by 4 p.m. We analyze and scrutinize every visit: \u201cDad wasn\u2019t as forgetful today, maybe he\u2019s better.\u201d \u201cIs Mom thinner than last time?\u201d \u201cThe house needs to be cleaned.\u201d \u201cThere\u2019s no food in the refrigerator.\u201d<\/p>\n

The mental back-and-forth is even more extreme for families on the brink of asking for help, either in the form of home care or relocation to an assisted living facility or nursing home, because they\u2019re trying to make a decision or putting off having tough conversations. They\u2019ll research living options and start lining things up, but then Dad will have a good week and they put it off. We went through this with my father-in-law two years ago\u2014a bad visit would be followed by a good one and then, \u201cMaybe he\u2019s better than we thought. Maybe he doesn\u2019t have to move. Maybe he\u2019s okay to drive. Maybe he\u2019s taking better care of himself.\u201d<\/p>\n

The thing I learned with my husband\u2019s dad and<\/em> with my newborn son is if you assess your loved one\u2019s condition every day, hour by hour, day after day, you\u2019ll eventually go crazy. If you think of every behavior in terms of forever (\u201cThis is how he\u2019s always going to be\u201d), you\u2019ll be eternally disappointed. And if you\u2019re too busy analyzing every minute, you won\u2019t be able to enjoy any of the minutes that are good.<\/p>\n

As a parent, I wasn\u2019t able to relax until I surrendered to the roller coaster of childrearing, and I think the same surrender is required if you\u2019re caring for aging or ill loved ones. There will be good days and bad days, good hours and bad hours. It\u2019s not always easy when you\u2019re in the thick of it, but if you can find a way to take caregiving moment to moment and savor the good moments without worrying so much about the bad, you might find there\u2019s more good there than you realize.<\/p>\n

Molly Rowe owns FirstLight Home Care with her husband, Steve Rowe, and lives in Swampscott with their two sons. FirstLight provides non-medical in-home care to adults in Swampscott, Marblehead, Nahant, Lynn, Salem, Peabody, Danvers, Beverly, and Lynnfield. For more information and help caring for your loved ones in the comfort of their own homes, please visit FirstLight\u2019s website at <\/em>www.salem.firstlighthomecare.com<\/em><\/a> or contact Molly at <\/em>781-691-5755\/mrowe@firstlighthomecare.com<\/em><\/a><\/p>\n

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One of the hardest adjustments for me when I became a new parent was accepting the ebb and flow of caregiving. People had warned me about the sleep deprivation that comes with late-night feedings but they didn\u2019t warn me about the stress of his ups and downs\u2014he eats everything, then…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":598,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[14],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-597","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-caring-for-aging-parents"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.firstlighthomecare.com\/home-healthcare-salem\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/597","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.firstlighthomecare.com\/home-healthcare-salem\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.firstlighthomecare.com\/home-healthcare-salem\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.firstlighthomecare.com\/home-healthcare-salem\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.firstlighthomecare.com\/home-healthcare-salem\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=597"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.firstlighthomecare.com\/home-healthcare-salem\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/597\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.firstlighthomecare.com\/home-healthcare-salem\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/598"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.firstlighthomecare.com\/home-healthcare-salem\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=597"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.firstlighthomecare.com\/home-healthcare-salem\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=597"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.firstlighthomecare.com\/home-healthcare-salem\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=597"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}