{"id":623,"date":"2020-01-28T10:02:20","date_gmt":"2020-01-28T10:02:20","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.firstlighthomecare.com\/home-healthcare-salem\/?p=623"},"modified":"2026-02-02T15:02:28","modified_gmt":"2026-02-02T15:02:28","slug":"lessening-the-losses-of-aging","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.firstlighthomecare.com\/home-healthcare-salem\/2020\/01\/28\/lessening-the-losses-of-aging\/","title":{"rendered":"Lessening the Losses of Aging"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"One

One of the hardest conversations we had with my father-in-law was telling him he couldn’t babysit our newborn<\/em><\/p><\/div>\n

When we\u2019re caring for an aging loved one, it sometimes feels like all we do is take away. We take away her car; we convince her to sell her home; we change his diet; we take away his privacy. These losses (and the discussions that surround them) are tough on everyone, but if you work at it, it\u2019s possible to lessen those losses and the guilt you feel about them.<\/p>\n

In our family, the loss was babysitting. One of the most heartbreaking discussions we had with my father-in-law before he died was when we told him he couldn\u2019t babysit our kids.<\/p>\n

My husband and I went to visit him in Florida soon after our first son was born, and Dad was eager to help\u2014\u201cI\u2019ll babysit him while you guys go out,\u201d \u201cSleep in, and I\u2019ll watch him,\u201d \u201cI\u2019ll keep an eye on them in the pool.\u201d But Grandpa was frail, unsteady on his feet, and his judgment and ability to react in an emergency was questionable (he\u2019d recently handed a can of wasp killer to our six-year-old nephew and told him to use it out on the patio.)<\/p>\n

At first, I admit I was a nervous new mom. I\u2019d hold my breath as my father-in-law teetered over my son in his bouncy chair, or I\u2019d snatch the baby away at the first whimper of unhappiness. But as our visits continued, and the sad face on my father-in-law grew deeper, we became determined to give him some responsibilities to fill his inherent grandparenting desire.<\/p>\n

For the next five years of babies (first with Will and then with our younger son Max), Grandpa fed them every meal and nearly every bottle when we were visiting. He got a great kick out feeding our sons their first taste of pureed banana, and it freed us up from feedings\u2014a baby duty that seems exciting the first time and quickly becomes a lot of work. Grandpa also handled bottles because he could do them from the comfort of his recliner and burping because he could do it for hours while watching his shows.<\/p>\n

As the kids got older and no longer required feeding, we relaxed our meal plans to include Grandpa\u2019s favorites (chips and chocolate milk) when we visited him. Grandpa became the master of our kids\u2019 junk food domain. While at home, we pushed organic milk and fruits and veggies, Grandpa gave our kids their first taste of Doritos. He got joy out of giving them something we wouldn\u2019t, and I\u2019m pretty sure our kids\u2019 health was unaffected by these nutritional breaks.<\/p>\n

We tried to find lots of little ways to let Dad be the grandparent he always envisioned he\u2019d be without putting our children or him at risk, and in the end, I think we were mostly successful\u2014he seemed happier and we felt less guilty.<\/p>\n

Maybe your loss isn\u2019t babysitting. Maybe it\u2019s the ability to take a shower without assistance. Maybe it\u2019s driving. Maybe it\u2019s cooking a big meal. Rather than take away these freedoms outright, encourage your loved one to help in every way he can. If you\u2019re helping him bathe, encourage him to shave or wash his own face (even if you have to go over it after). If he can\u2019t drive, let him navigate (even if you disagree with his choice of route). If it\u2019s cooking, let him plan the meal and assist you with the cooking where possible.<\/p>\n

As a caregiver for your sick and aging loved one, you\u2019ve likely faced many situations where you feel you\u2019ve \u201ctaken away\u201d something your loved one loves, but it\u2019s important to remember the end of one<\/em> thing doesn\u2019t always have to be the end of everything<\/em>. You may be able to find small ways to give them a similar joy and purpose, which will undoubtedly help them to live longer, happier lives.<\/p>\n

Molly Rowe owns FirstLight Home Care with her husband, Steve Rowe, and lives in Swampscott with their two sons. FirstLight provides non-medical in-home care to adults in Swampscott, Marblehead, Nahant, Lynn, Salem, Peabody, Danvers, Beverly, and Lynnfield. For more information and help caring for your loved ones in the comfort of their own homes, please visit FirstLight\u2019s website at <\/em>www.northshore.firstlighthomecare.com<\/em><\/a> or contact Molly at <\/em>781-691-5755\/mrowe@firstlighthomecare.com<\/em><\/a><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

When we\u2019re caring for an aging loved one, it sometimes feels like all we do is take away. We take away her car; we convince her to sell her home; we change his diet; we take away his privacy. These losses (and the discussions that surround them) are tough on…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":624,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[14,15],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-623","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-caring-for-aging-parents","category-loss"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.firstlighthomecare.com\/home-healthcare-salem\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/623","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.firstlighthomecare.com\/home-healthcare-salem\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.firstlighthomecare.com\/home-healthcare-salem\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.firstlighthomecare.com\/home-healthcare-salem\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.firstlighthomecare.com\/home-healthcare-salem\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=623"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.firstlighthomecare.com\/home-healthcare-salem\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/623\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.firstlighthomecare.com\/home-healthcare-salem\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/624"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.firstlighthomecare.com\/home-healthcare-salem\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=623"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.firstlighthomecare.com\/home-healthcare-salem\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=623"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.firstlighthomecare.com\/home-healthcare-salem\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=623"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}