{"id":657,"date":"2015-10-06T15:15:46","date_gmt":"2015-10-06T15:15:46","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.firstlighthomecare.com\/home-healthcare-salem\/?p=528"},"modified":"2026-02-02T15:02:36","modified_gmt":"2026-02-02T15:02:36","slug":"youre-not-as-good-a-listener-as-you-think","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.firstlighthomecare.com\/home-healthcare-salem\/2015\/10\/06\/youre-not-as-good-a-listener-as-you-think\/","title":{"rendered":"You\u2019re Not as Good a Listener as You Think"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"Whether

Whether your 3 or 83,\u00a0listening can be hard.<\/em><\/p><\/div>\n

As I write this, I know most people won\u2019t read it. The same person who wants practical tips on organizing medications, avoiding falls, and taking care of a loved one with Alzheimer\u2019s will likely skip over the most practical tip of all: Be a good listener.<\/p>\n

Why? Because we all think we\u2019re pretty good listeners. We know to sit patiently, try not to interrupt too much, nod at the appropriate times. The funny thing is most of us (and I include myself in this) aren\u2019t great listeners even though we follow all the social rules of conversation.<\/p>\n

Most of us \u201clisten\u201d by half hearing what someone is saying because we\u2019re thinking of how we\u2019re going to respond to it\u2014a funny story that relates to what they\u2019re saying, an argument with their point of view, an empty reassurance. We all do this. I do it with my husband when he talks about fantasy football (\u201cThat\u2019s great!\u201d) even though I have no idea what he\u2019s said and with my kids when they\u2019re whining about going to school (\u201cOf course you want to go to school and see all your friends!\u201d). We also do it with our aging loved ones.<\/p>\n

Listening is a tough exercise on the easiest of days with our best friends who communicate just like us. It can be especially hard when you\u2019re talking with (and listening to) someone with one of the many physical limitations that sometimes come with aging\u2014hearing loss, stroke, or dementia. It also doesn\u2019t help that quite often what you\u2019re listening to is something you don\u2019t want to hear or that contradicts a point you\u2019re trying to make. (\u201cI am perfectly fine living on my own.\u201d \u201cI can drive just fine.\u201d \u201cI don\u2019t need anyone to take care of me.\u201d)<\/p>\n

I\u2019m someone who can\u2019t sit still for too long and I don\u2019t always have patience for things that aren\u2019t immediate. Working with seniors, I have to work really hard to squelch my natural urge to dive in, finish someone\u2019s sentences, and not listen because I don\u2019t want to miss something important. It can be so tempting to fill in the words for someone who has had a stroke or who has Parkinson\u2019s and struggles to come up with words or formulate a sentence. But when I actually wait for the person to find the words, I\u2019m often quite surprised by how different they are from what I thought they were going to.<\/p>\n

Sometimes, the best thing you can do\u2014one of the simplest things\u2014is also the hardest: Sit down and listen to a loved one who is sick or aging. Our lives are busy. We stop by to check in, we drive to appointments and shop for groceries, but we rarely sit down and really listen. Next time you\u2019re talking to Mom or Dad (or Gram or Auntie) make sure you\u2019re listening to everything\u2014not just what you expect or want them to say.<\/p>\n

Even without a memory or speech disorder, it just might take us longer to put our thoughts together as we age. But when we don\u2019t listen to our aging loved ones (or we finish their sentences), we enable them to stop trying and to stop being independent.<\/p>\n

Molly Rowe owns FirstLight Home Care with her husband, Steve Rowe, and lives in Swampscott with their two sons. FirstLight provides non-medical in-home care to adults in Swampscott, Marblehead, Nahant, Lynn, Salem, Peabody, Danvers, Beverly, and Lynnfield. For more information and help caring for your loved ones in the comfort of their own homes, please visit FirstLight\u2019s website at <\/em>www.salem.firstlighthomecare.com<\/em><\/a> or contact Molly at <\/em>781-691-5755\/mrowe@firstlighthomecare.com<\/em><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

As I write this, I know most people won\u2019t read it. The same person who wants practical tips on organizing medications, avoiding falls, and taking care of a loved one with Alzheimer\u2019s will likely skip over the most practical tip of all: Be a good listener. Why? Because we all…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":530,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[14],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-657","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-caring-for-aging-parents"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.firstlighthomecare.com\/home-healthcare-salem\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/657","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.firstlighthomecare.com\/home-healthcare-salem\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.firstlighthomecare.com\/home-healthcare-salem\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.firstlighthomecare.com\/home-healthcare-salem\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.firstlighthomecare.com\/home-healthcare-salem\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=657"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.firstlighthomecare.com\/home-healthcare-salem\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/657\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.firstlighthomecare.com\/home-healthcare-salem\/wp-json\/"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.firstlighthomecare.com\/home-healthcare-salem\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=657"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.firstlighthomecare.com\/home-healthcare-salem\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=657"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.firstlighthomecare.com\/home-healthcare-salem\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=657"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}