It is always difficult to watch our once strong and independent parents grow older. It is even more difficult to watch them need assistance, yet refuse it. As they get older. you may notice some things slipping. Maybe they are missing days of their medications, leaving the stove on, or their home is becoming untidy. Then, when you try to step in with your concerns, the response is always “I am fine, I don’t need help, I am capable of taking care of myself.”
Does this sound familiar? If so, you are not alone. It is something we hear frequently in our line of work. Luckily, we are here to help guide and support you in getting the best care for your loved ones.
WHY do seniors resist help?
Before we look into solutions, it helps to understand why they are refusing help in the first place. There are many reasons they may be resistant, some of which are the following:
– Feeling like they are losing control over their life
– Denial that they need help
– Loss of independence
– Struggling with changes and the aging process
– Reluctant or uncomfortable with strangers being in their home
Now that we understand why they resist help…what can we do to convince them to accept help?
It’s Not WHAT You Say, It’s HOW You Say It
When talking to an aging parent, your approach can make a huge difference. Many times, this conversation begins like one of the following:
“Mom/dad…”
“You need someone to take care of you”
“You can’t live alone.”
“You’re not doing what you’re supposed to.”
With this approach, the senior is likely to become defensive because they feel like they are losing control of their own lives. Instead of focusing on what they’re doing wrong and what they can’t do, adjust the conversation to be about what having support can add to their lives.
Does mom/dad want to stay in their homes as long as possible? Having support at home can help prevent things such as falls or medication mistakes that would lead to them having to go to an assisted living or even the hospital.
Is mom/dad concerned about being a burden on their family? Having additional support can take the stress off of family members cooking, cleaning, or running errands.
Do they enjoy social activities or have hobbies? Having someone in the home to keep up with daily chores can help give them more time to do the things they enjoy.
It can be difficult convincing a parent they need help- especially when they spent decades playing that same role to you. It can be a tough transition! It is important to remain patient and understanding through the process.
Other Things to Consider
-Start small: Start with a few hours a week so it is not overwhelming.
-Ask a third party for help: Consider having their doctor mention it to them or another professional
-Let them play a role: You want to give them some control. Let them pick their schedule and choose the company that they want to work with.
One of the goals of FirstLight Home Care is to allow a person to age in place at wherever feels most like home. Sometimes that could be in a senior community, but for many, it is at their home where they’ve built their life. Oftentimes, a goal of a senior is to remain in their own home. That’s where we come in! We have caregivers to provide that support to help prevent a fall, prevent a missed medication, and to make staying at home safe and possible. Seniors worry about losing their independence, but our goal is to preserve it and give them the opportunity to continue living life on their own terms in the place they are most comfortable – home.
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