I wrote last week about the importance of talking finances with your aging loved ones, but what information should be shared in that conversation?
This list can grow quite long, depending on your individual situation, but the bare-minimum information falls into three categories: Financial records, legal documents, and healthcare plans.
Swampscott-based estate-planning attorney Jessica Wistran (of Glovsky and Glovsky in Beverly) recommends clients document all of their account information—bank accounts, life insurance policies, pensions, annuities, investment accounts, real estate holdings, and any employee benefits or retirement assets—and keep the information in a safe place so their loved ones can continue paying their bills should they become incapacitated. “Some people do not feel comfortable giving this information to their children, so I recommend they at least give it to their estate-planning attorney,” Wistran says.
Taking this a step further, I’d write down every service provider of every bill you pay—cell phone providers, credit cards, furniture store credit accounts … especially anything you pay online—along with your account information. There’s nothing worse than rifiling through a loved ones’ bills and paperwork in the midst of funeral planning and mourning to figure out what needs to be paid or shut off.
To ensure your estate is handled in the manner you wish (and to avoid lengthy delays in court), you’ll want a will and/or trust. But don’t assume a trust you established 20 years ago covers all your assets today. My father-in-law set up a trust many years ago, but when he passed away in 2013, we learned the hard way that assets like retirement plans aren’t covered by a trust. We had to go through Florida probate court for those assets.
Wistran recommends clients take a look at their estate-planning documents every five years to make sure their wishes and circumstances have not changed.
She also recommends all adults, regardless of age, have a Durable Power of Attorney and a Health Care Proxy. “If an individual becomes incapacitated and does not have these documents, the family must petition the local probate court to be appointed as conservator and guardian for the parent,” Wistran says. “This process is long, generally requires ongoing court supervision, and is an added expense for families.”
Quite often, as our loved ones age, they openly start talking about their mortality and plans for end of life—“I want to die at home” or “I want to be buried in Maine.” For the adult children, these conversations can be some of the most difficult, uncomfortable, unwanted discussions of your life, but they are also incredibly important.
If your mom opens the door to this conversation, have it with her. If the time comes where she is sick and dying, you don’t want to play a guessing game with your other family members over what she wanted. (That game never goes well.)
The biggest mistake people usually make when it comes to talking finances with their aging parents is they take too long to do it. Even if you don’t cover everything on the first try, at least start the conversation today. No matter how difficult it is for you to bring up, it will be far easier than the months and years of legal wrangling, financial difficulty, and sibling in-fighting that may occur if you don’t.
Also published in The Swampscott Reporter
Molly Rowe owns FirstLight Home Care with her husband, Steve, and lives in Swampscott with their two sons. FirstLight provides non-medical in-home care to adults in Swampscott, Marblehead, Lynn, Salem, Peabody, Danvers, Beverly, and Lynnfield. For more information and help caring for your loved ones in the comfort of their own homes, please visit FirstLight’s website at www.salem.firstlighthomecare.com or contact Molly at 781-691-5755/mrowe@firstlighthomecare.com