Getting Seniors to Eat: Old Food Habits Die Hard

I’ve been eating the same breakfast for 10 years.

I’ve eaten the same thing for breakfast (oatmeal) every day for almost 10 years. Before that, it was Grape-nuts, which I ate for 15 years. I also eat the same lunch almost every day, and I’d probably eat the same dinner if my family shared my love for routines. But I love to eat, and I relish dining out and trying new things. It’s just at the heart of me, I’m kind of a weird eater.

Unfortunately, mealtime idiosyncrasies are often enhanced as we age. Someone who never liked eating in front of people will refuse to eat in the dining room of her assisted living facility. A man who was never into making a big dinner for himself at home will start dining on only chowder crackers. Spendthrifts will save and eat spoiled food, and someone like me, who likes to eat the same thing every day, will eat only bacon every breakfast or Ritz Crackers with peanut butter every lunch.

Meal time and eating in general can be a big source of frustration for families caring for aging loved ones, especially those with dementia or Alzheimer’s. It’s hard to understand why Dad won’t eat the Meals on Wheels he has delivered every day or why Mom skips breakfast and lunch. It may help if you pay attention to past routines and habits in addition to the current setting in which your loved one eats.

I once worked with a woman who had dementia and wouldn’t eat. She was naturally skinny, had been her whole life, and whenever we tried to get her to eat, she’d say, “People have been on me to eat my whole life, but I’ve always been skinny.” Pushing her to eat had the opposite effect because it’s something that she’d found annoying her whole life.

So I tried the opposite approach. I wouldn’t talk about it but I’d make her a sandwich and just place it in front of her. That didn’t work, so we tried other things. We tried eating out; we tried eating in. I tried eating with her—eating my salad from home while she sat with her sandwich. We tried healthy snacks throughout the day rather than one set mealtime. None of these worked. Getting her to eat every day was a challenge until one day, because I’d forgotten my lunch, I made us both the same sandwich. This was the day she finally ate. Something about my sitting down with her sharing the same food inspired her to eat it, too. Sometimes, it takes a few tries to figure out what will get a loved one to eat; sometimes, it takes a few hundred.

Distractions, for example, can be a problem at mealtime or they can help. Television or a lot of conversation might distract Dad from focusing on his meal or he might eat more because he isn’t so focused on the food and his reasons for not eating it. Music can have a similar effect. A familiar song might encourage Mom to eat, or it might distract her so much that she can’t chew or swallow (if this is the case, you might try playing a song that’s unfamiliar or doesn’t have words).

Plate color also can affect appetite. Red plates promote appetite; yellow is associated with happiness and calls attention to the meal; dark blue suppresses appetite. People living with Alzheimer’s aren’t always able to differentiate color so they may need foods that contrast with the color of their plates. Sometimes, we revert back to our childhood preferences—not wanting different foods to touch each other or craving foods that gave us comfort when we were young (you might try making one of your loves one’s favorite childhood recipes if you have access to it).

Eating patterns and nutrition top the list of concerns we hear from families caring for aging loved ones. Our gut reaction may be frustration, but as with all things caregiving, frustration won’t get us anywhere. Sometimes, it helps to have knowledge of our loved one’s past food quirks so we can work with those and find a solution that works for everyone. It may help to use tricks or tools to encourage eating, but be patient—it could take weeks of trial and error to figure out what tricks work best.

 Molly Rowe owns FirstLight Home Care with her husband, Steve Rowe, and lives in Swampscott with their two sons. FirstLight provides non-medical in-home care to adults in Swampscott, Marblehead, Nahant, Lynn, Salem, Peabody, Danvers, Beverly, and Lynnfield. For more information and help caring for your loved ones in the comfort of their own homes, please visit FirstLight’s website at www.salem.firstlighthomecare.com or contact Molly at 781-691-5755/[email protected]