Gram and Pa back in their traveling days
My grandparents in Maine gave up their annual trip to Florida about 10 years ago. Air travel from their island isn’t easy for even the most able-bodied travelers (the small airport is two hours away and a flight to Florida usually involves several layovers and a 12-hour travel day), so when my grandparents’ health started failing several years ago, they decided to give up flying. My grandmother seems to have accepted the end of her traveling days, but my grandfather still laments the loss of his trip south every year.
Giving up a regularly scheduled trip due to aging or illness may seem small in the scheme of things, especially for someone who’s dealing with a life-changing diagnosis like stroke or cancer, but it can be almost as devastating as giving up a driver’s license, the family home, or independence.
Maybe it’s the smallness of it that makes it so hard—“I understand I can’t drive anymore, but can’t I just have my trip to Florida?” or “I have no problem caring for my wife every day, but can’t we just have the normalcy of our one trip each year?” Or the feeling of permanence—“Who knows if I’ll ever go back to a place I’ve called home part-time for so many years?”
It may seem small, but the cancelled trip leaves a hole in a loved one’s life every year that he’s unable to go. It’s not just the trip that he’s mourning. It may be the past, his independence, his health, his virility, the sense of being carefree. It’s important as loved ones we recognize that hole and help them find ways to fill it—not just the first year they can’t go but all the years from here on out.
Maybe you take Dad on several small local trips this winter—to New Hampshire, Vermont, or Foxwoods, or you recreate Mom’s favorite vacation activities by taking a ride to the beach every Sunday, a walk on Lynn Shore Drive, or by exploring boutiques in a new but near town. You may not be able to replace the joy and warmth of a trip south, but you can give them something to look forward to that will make the winter go by a little faster.
For many of us (no matter our age), the annual trip somewhere warm is our reason for being the rest of the year. No matter what happens here, we know it will be a distant memory when we’re eating dinner in Naples, playing 18 holes in Sarasota, or walking the beaches in Palm Beach. Even if it’s a place we visit only a few weeks a year, we make friends there, establish routines and favorites, and set up a home-away-from-home to which we look forward to returning year after year.
The loss of this trip and the loss of they joy that surrounds it should not be minimized—even if it seems small compared to other issues our loved ones are dealing with. If you can find a way to make the trip happen—by traveling with them or hiring a travel companion (many home care companies offer this service)—or replace it with other trips that are perhaps more feasible but just as enjoyable, you’ll likely go a long way toward making the Golden Years much brighter.
Molly Rowe owns FirstLight Home Care with her husband, Steve Rowe, and lives in Swampscott with their two sons. FirstLight provides non-medical in-home care to adults in Swampscott, Marblehead, Nahant, Lynn, Salem, Peabody, Danvers, Beverly, and Lynnfield. For more information and help caring for your loved ones in the comfort of their own homes, please visit FirstLight’s website at www.salem.firstlighthomecare.com or contact Molly at 781-691-5755/mrowe@firstlighthomecare.com