If you’re the full-time caregiver for a loved one, you know that role comes with a lot of pressure. You can’t get sick, you can’t take a vacation, and you can’t have surgery, because if you do, there’s no one else who will do your job.
The day will come, however, when you do need help. You’ll need to attend an out-of-state wedding or travel for work or maybe you’ll get sick and require a hospital stay. You may just need a break from caregiving to ensure you don’t end up sick or in the hospital. When that happens, what are your options? Who can care for Mom short-term? There are several options, but it’s good to consider which one would be best before you actually need it.
Help from family and friends: It’s great when another family member hops in and is willing to help you out, but you need to make sure it’s really a good solution for all involved before you agree to it.
Think about all the elements of your day and the care you provide (e.g., assistance with toileting, middle of the night care, redirection and calming) and whether a friend or family member will be equipped to take that care on. Does he work a full-time job that will keep him from being there as much as necessary? Is his house as safe and senior-friendly as yours? Is he enthusiastic about helping out or was it an offer that came reluctantly? Sometimes “free” help isn’t the best help, so you need to consider this scenario carefully to determine if it’s the right solution for you.
Home care: You can arrange to have a professional caregiver come into your home to care for your loved one for as little as two hours a day (or as many as 24). She might come mornings just to help Mom or Dad get going or evenings to help with dinner and getting ready for bed. You can arrange for someone just to be there during the day or you can arrange just for nights. This option keeps your loved one at home, which is probably where they most want to be, but it can be expensive if you require 24-7 care.
Adult day programs: There are several adult day programs that will care for a loved one during the day, which is less expensive than getting round-the-clock home care. You’ll still need someone to go to Mom’s house in the morning (or stay with her overnight if she needs round-the-clock care) and get her ready for the day, drive her to the day program, and pick her up after, but the day hours will be filled with activity and the nights will be spent at home.
Short-term stay at a facility: Several nursing homes and rehab centers offer “respite” care for short-term coverage for as few as two nights. The rooms are furnished and often private, and your loved one will receive around-the-clock care and meals for the cost of an expensive hotel (around $450/night). Devereux House and Lafayette in Marblehead both offer this option, as does Care One (formerly Peabody Glen in Peabody and Essex Park in Beverly) and other local facilities.
No matter how devoted and determined a caregiver you are, the time will likely come when you need help for a day or two or even several weeks. Having a contingency plan in place for those times is as important to your being a good caregiver as having patience and compassion—you just don’t know when you might need help. Start the research and conversation now (and communicate your plan to someone else) so you’re ready should an emergency should arise.
Molly Rowe owns FirstLight Home Care with her husband, Steve Rowe, and lives in Swampscott with their two sons. FirstLight provides non-medical in-home care to adults in Swampscott, Marblehead, Nahant, Lynn, Salem, Peabody, Danvers, Beverly, and Lynnfield. For more information and help caring for your loved ones in the comfort of their own homes, please visit FirstLight’s website at www.salem.firstlighthomecare.com or contact Molly at 781-691-5755/mrowe@firstlighthomecare.com