On any given week, my husband and I attend a half dozen educational seminars on topics related to aging—Alzheimer’s, financial planning, safety at home, etc. We go as professionals wanting to learn more about our field and to meet others doing similar work, but most of the content is really intended for families and individuals wanting to learn more about caring for their loved ones. These seminars always teach us something new, are at all times of the day, cost nothing, and usually come with great food, but I’m always surprised by how few family members actually attend.
On one hand, it makes me scratch my head. Caring for aging parents (or grandparents or brothers or aunts) is a largely unchartered territory for most of us, and it’s a territory filled with questions and uncertainty. So, why wouldn’t people jump at the chance to learn more?
But then I think back to the times when we ourselves were going through this as a family and I realize we never attended any learning seminars either. When we’re in the moment, even though we may feel lost and unsupported, we often don’t seek out the help we need. We all come up with a million excuses for why not to go or why not to seek help. Excuses like:
I don’t know when the support groups or seminars are. This is an excuse that I think is justified. Unless you’re in the senior care world, you may not know all the groups and opportunities that are available locally. To find out, the senior centers in Swampscott and Marblehead are a good place to start. They have their own offerings and may be able to point you to others.
Another great place to ask are our local assisted living and skilled care facilities. Almost all offer their own educational talks and support groups. These aren’t sales pitches; they often feature outside experts and unique content that will greatly help you in your role as partner or caregiver. Bertram House of Swampscott offers an Alzheimer’s support group and talks on various subjects, as do other local facilities.
A little farther away in Danvers, Seasons (a memory care facility) does a number of talks on Alzheimer’s (I attended a great one last week). Care Dimensions (formerly Hospice of the North Shore) offers programs on a regular basis all over the North Shore. Again, all are free and most are accompanied by food—all you have to do is call to find out when they are. We are lucky to live in an area with a wealth of resources. Once you start asking what’s available, you’ll be amazed by what’s here.
I don’t have time to go. On one hand, this is probably true. Most family caregivers juggle jobs, kids, social obligations, and life in general, in addition to caring for a loved one. You may feel like you can’t fit one more thing on your too-full plate, but I promise you the tips and knowledge you’ll gain from just one good seminar or support group will save you time back in the real world of caring for your loved one.
I don’t need “support,” I need solutions. Support groups are inaccurately named. Yes, they provide a supportive environment for you to express your thoughts and concerns, but it’s not just a bunch of people sitting in a circle talking about what bugs them. You’re surrounded by others wearing similar shoes, and many of them have likely had the same struggles you’re having. What’s better than talking to one person who has already researched and solved a problem you’re having? Sitting in a room with 6 to 10 people who’ve done that (you’ll get 10 times the knowledge).
Probably the main reason people don’t seek help is the same reason we didn’t—denial. Attending a program titled “Caring for Someone with Alzheimer’s,” or going to a support group for Parkinson’s caregivers puts a label on your life and forces you to face what’s really happening. When we’re in the thick of it—struggling to adjust to being a caregiver rather than spouse, mourning the loss of the life we had, trying to figure out how we can make it all work—it’s normal to avoid settings that force us to sit down and come to terms with where we’re at. Walking in the door of a support group or educational meeting can be hard, but once you’re there, I promise you won’t regret going. Rather than confirming for you just how bad things are, it might actually give you hope for how things can be better.
Molly Rowe owns FirstLight Home Care with her husband, Steve Rowe, and lives in Swampscott with their two sons. FirstLight provides non-medical in-home care to adults in Swampscott, Marblehead, Nahant, Lynn, Salem, Peabody, Danvers, Beverly, and Lynnfield. For more information and help caring for your loved ones in the comfort of their own homes, please visit FirstLight’s website at www.salem.firstlighthomecare.com or contact Molly at 781-691-5755/mrowe@firstlighthomecare.com