—Wendy Adlerstein, LSW and Steve Stern
How important is driving to our lives? We associate driving with survival (being able to buy groceries and get to the doctor), freedom (being able to pack up on a whim whenever we need to get away), and being an adult (being able to get to work and pick up our daily coffee). All of our personal associations about driving and independence are part of what makes the “It’s time to stop driving” conversation with our aging loved ones so difficult.
Unlike many of the tough conversations you have with an aging parent where you can argue that changes will actually help keep them independent, there’s no softening this blow. Occasionally, the conversation goes better than you thought, but more often than not, you’ll need to come to the conversation armed with an arsenal of argument stoppers.
You’ll need to be able to answer the question, “How will I do all the things I need to do and go all the places I need to go?”—even if you don’t think they need to go anywhere. I’ve heard many adult sons and daughters say, “I don’t know why he’s so upset because he doesn’t go anywhere.” It’s not about whether your mom or dad drives very often or where they go or how important or unimportant you think it is. It’s about knowing they can get up and go whenever they want, even if they never actually do.
“It’s not about whether your mom or dad drives very often or where they go or how important or unimportant you think it is. It’s about knowing they can get up and go whenever they want, even if they never actually do.”
Before you start the conversation, think of every protest they could possibly have and have a solution already in mind and written down on paper: How will I get to my doctor’s appointments? When will I be able to get my groceries? What if I have an emergency in the middle of the night? Writing it all down helps them visualize, understand, and feel some control over the situation.
Come to the discussion with a list of the local transportation resources, their contact info, and clear descriptions of how they all work (and when they work). Put a credit card on file with a car or taxi service and remind your loved one that what they save in car insurance and upkeep each year will more than cover the cost of having a ride available day or night. Schedule a day of the week where you will come over and take them grocery shopping. Plan it all out ahead of time, on paper, and bring it to the discussion.
But what if your conversations do not work? It may be helpful to understand how the Commonwealth of Massachusetts addresses the issue. How does the Registry of Motor Vehicles handle complaints about the ability of aging seniors to safely drive?
First, you should understand that the Registry of Motor Vehicles Medical Affairs Branch sets policies and procedures regarding minimum physical qualifications to operate a motor vehicle. These policies are set without regard to age, therefore there are no policies based upon age alone.
If your aging parent, as a Massachusetts licensed driver, has a medical condition which he or she believes may affect his or her ability to operate a motor vehicle, they MUST report the condition to the Registrar and refrain from operating a motor vehicle until the condition is resolved. There is no legal requirement for a physician or other interested party to report a possible unfit driver to the Registry. However, if an interested party reports a driver, the Registry will act upon the information.
“There is no legal requirement for a physician or other interested party to report a possible unfit driver to the Registry. However, if an interested party reports a driver, the Registry will act upon the information.”
So could a neighbor, for example, make a report? The answer is yes—but that neighbor cannot remain anonymous. All reports must be in writing and be signed by the person making the report. The report must include the name and address of the complaining party as well as the identification of the individual whose driving ability is being questioned, including the name and at least one of the following: social security number, license number, date of birth and address. The report must contain the reason for the complaint and a description of the purported functional information.
Reports are accepted from family members, physicians, law enforcement or other interested third parties, including members of the individual’s community (neighbors), private driving schools, physical therapists, etc. Outside of a report received from a medical provider, the Registry conducts an assessment of the individual’s qualifications to operate a motor vehicle safely. The Registry will request that the individual submit a medical evaluation from his or her physician. The Registry seeks expert opinion from the individual’s treating physician, because the physician is the person best qualified to respond to questions regarding the individual’s medical condition and the potential implications on the ability to operate a motor vehicle safely. In some circumstances, based upon the physician’s recommendation, the Registry may require the individual to undergo a competency road exam, prior to taking a licensing action. While this evaluation is ongoing, the Registry will place an “activity hold” on the license record. This would prevent the issuance of a new license until the evaluation has been concluded.
If a report comes directly from a physician or law enforcement, The Registry may initiate a licensing action directly, without first seeking a physician evaluation.
“The Registry could request that the individual voluntarily surrender his or her license (in which case he or she can receive a Mass. ID card at no charge). There are no negative effects on a driving record when a license is voluntarily surrendered. “
Based upon a complaint, the Registry can decide that no further action is needed. The Registry can also request that the individual schedule and take a competency road exam and/or assessment for adaptive equipment and appropriate license restrictions. The Registry could request that the individual voluntarily surrender his or her license (in which case he or she can receive a Mass. ID card at no charge). There are no negative effects on a driving record when a license is voluntarily surrendered. If an individual’s condition improves and he or she can provide appropriate documentation, the license may be restored to former active status.
Finally, If an individual does not comply with the Registry request to voluntarily surrender the license, a hearing will be scheduled and the license may be indefinitely revoked.
Hopefully, you’ll never get anywhere near that point. Your conversation will have created a vision of how life and freedom can still go on for your aging parent. Please let us know how it goes.