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The Many Forms of Part-Time Care

I’ve written a lot about my father-in-law in the past few months but here’s a re-cap if you missed it: Dad lived in Swampscott until the last five years of his life when he relocated to Florida to be near his only grandchild at the time. Rather than live in one of Florida’s famed retirement communities, he moved into a big house just down the street from my sister-in-law’s family, with a pool and plenty of room for us to visit. We shared many great memories there the first few years, especially after our two kids were born. Then the...

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Planning to Take the Keys

We learn at an early age that wheels = freedom.When I was six years old, I used to study the Sears and Roebucks’ holiday “wishbook” and fantasize about getting a Power Wheels—one of those battery-powered cars that kids can actually sit in and drive. I envisioned myself cruising to the grocery store, buying eight packs of Grape Bubblicious, and hitting the road to total freedom. On some level, we’re all kids with Power Wheels when it comes to driving. We associate driving with survival (being able to buy groceries and get to the doctor), freedom (being able to pack up...

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Area Senior Centers Offer Much More Than You May Know

A couple of weeks ago, my husband and I went dancing—something we never do. There was a 14-piece big band, a crowded dance floor, and more bow ties and sequins than I’ve seen in my kids’ dress-up bin. It was also a frigidly cold Thursday morning in January. Yes, morning, because that’s when they dance at the Peabody Council on Aging’s senior center. I’m not a senior or even a big dancer, but it was truly one of the best things I’ve ever attended. Before our dancing date, I’d never known this type of fun existed. Turns out these dances...

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Winter's Toll on Seniors

[caption id="attachment_44" align="alignnone" width="300"] When your streets look like this, it's easy to feel isolated.[/caption] I grew up on an island, five hours up the coast of Maine. It’s not as remote as you might think. There’s a bridge to the mainland, decent dental care, and spotty Internet service. There are also some incredible seasonal restaurants and a world-famous art school, and the colors of nature are more vivid there than just about any place on Earth. Many a “summer person” has visited our island, been seduced by its charm, and ended up buying a home there. Inevitably, especially if...

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Helping Your Loved Ones Through the Toughest Times

If you’ve been around little kids after 5 p.m., there’s no doubt you’re familiar with “the witching hour”—that period of time before bed when exhaustion is highest, moods are darkest, and patience is least. People suffering from dementia and Alzheimer’s also have a witching hour (experts call it “sundowning”), and it can be one of the toughest times of the day, especially here in New England where we lose sunlight at 4:30 p.m. Like the witching hour, sundowning can be a result of being overtired and overstimulated, but instead of temper tantrums, it manifests as confusion, irritability, depression, and anxiety....

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When it Comes to Caregiving, Don't be a Superhero

[caption id="attachment_37" align="alignnone" width="300"] How much work could this little guy possibly be?[/caption] When my first son was born, I started every day of his first week with a lengthy to-do list: Shower, laundry, make dinner, write 4 thank you notes, call a friend, exercise, make sure my husband gets a good night’s sleep. Leading up to Will’s birth, I’d frozen meals, finished my Christmas shopping (he was born in September), and bought six-months’ worth of birthday cards. I was determined to be Supermom. People told me I wouldn’t be able to keep it up, but, I thought, “You surely...

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The Family Dynamics of Caring for an Aging Parent

A famous author once wrote, “You can tell a lot about a person by the way he handles these three things: A rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.” I’d add ailing parent to that list. There are few situations as stressful as caring for a loved one, especially if you never thought you’d be the one caring for them. Maybe you thought your dad would take care of your mom but he passed away unexpectedly. Or your sister always said she’d do it, but she’s now busy with three young children. Or, if you’re like most of...

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Eating and Aging

My great-grandfather was a feisty Italian who lived in Malden. I was a teenager when he died, but there are three things I remember most about him: He drove his Lincoln Mach V 60 mph in the breakdown lane during rush hour, he had great stories about his career as an architect in Boston (back when almost every project had historical significance), and he stockpiled Meals on Wheels deliveries in his freezer because he was afraid he’d one day run out of food.

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Letting Go of Traditions

When you ask people about their holiday plans, the answer usually comes with the lead-in, “We always”: “We always go to midnight mass.” “We always host a big dinner.” “We always make latkes and enjoy them with our extended family.” If you’re caring for someone who’s ill or aging, the words, “We always,” can bring on a lot of stress. Oftentimes, the traditions you’ve always upheld won’t be possible. Your mom won’t be able to make it to church, your dad won’t feel up to a big family dinner, or you won’t be able to host your annual party. “We...

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How's Dad Doing?

After my husband’s dad moved from Swampscott to Florida, we only saw him four times a year. I like to think we traded quick weekly breakfasts at Red’s Diner for long, quality weeks together by the pool. He got to know his Florida-based grandson like he never would have, and because we stayed with him, he got to wake up with our kids (who were both under the age of 4) and spend hours watching them splash in the pool and dismantle his house — hours and overnights he wouldn’t have had if he’d stayed here and we were in different houses. Those visits were memorable and wonderful, but they were also tough, especially Day 1.

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