Caring
for Aging Parents

Lessening the Losses of Aging

[caption id="attachment_624" align="alignnone" width="300"] One of the hardest conversations we had with my father-in-law was telling him he couldn't babysit our newborn[/caption] When we’re caring for an aging loved one, it sometimes feels like all we do is take away. We take away her car; we convince her to sell her home; we change his diet; we take away his privacy. These losses (and the discussions that surround them) are tough on everyone, but if you work at it, it’s possible to lessen those losses and the guilt you feel about them. In our family, the loss was babysitting. One...

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How to Include Spouses in Caregiving

[caption id="attachment_616" align="alignnone" width="225"] Gram's been making lunch for Pa for more than 60 years.[/caption] My grandparents were a big part of my childhood. They lived nearby, and I was constantly with them, playing games, taking walks, or chatting in their living room. No matter what we were doing, I knew everyday the world would stop at 11:30 a.m. for my grandfather’s lunch. To this day, when I think of my grandmother, I almost immediately hear her saying the words, “I need to get home to feed Pa lunch.” Although Gram fixing Pa’s lunch every day is probably outdated and...

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Getting Seniors to Eat: Old Food Habits Die Hard

[caption id="attachment_607" align="alignnone" width="300"] I've been eating the same breakfast for 10 years.[/caption] I’ve eaten the same thing for breakfast (oatmeal) every day for almost 10 years. Before that, it was Grape-nuts, which I ate for 15 years. I also eat the same lunch almost every day, and I’d probably eat the same dinner if my family shared my love for routines. But I love to eat, and I relish dining out and trying new things. It’s just at the heart of me, I’m kind of a weird eater. Unfortunately, mealtime idiosyncrasies are often enhanced as we age. Someone who...

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Hospital Stays Have Lasting Impact on Seniors

This can be a tough time of year for seniors. Flu and cold season leads to illness, ice and cold hamper exercise, and shorter days have a negative effect on dementia and Alzheimer’s. For whatever reason, this is the time of year when hospitalizations increase exponentially. Often times, my relationship with a family begins with a hospitalization. A loved one falls or gets sick, goes to the hospital, and requires assistance around the house when they return home. Before we begin work with any client, we have a “family meeting” to get a sense for a person’s routine and abilities—when...

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We May Need to Lower Holiday Expectations for Aging Loved Ones

Even though I work in senior care every day and advise people on the care of their aging loved ones, I’m the first to admit I don’t always make the right decisions or act the right way with my own family members. I can calmly and patiently deal with just about anything from a client, but when it’s my own family—when it’s personal—it’s a lot harder to see clearly. Like everyone, my patience and compassion sometimes gets clouded by my expectations for how things should be, my memories of how they used to be, and my wishes for what they...

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When It’s OK Not to Buy the Very Best

Perhaps the toughest gift you’ll buy this season is the one for your aging loved one. It’s likely the gift you’ll wrack your brain over, debating what he might really need and attempting to come up with something he’d never buy for himself but that he’ll really love. This is the way it worked with my husband’s father. We were always stumped for gift ideas, so we’d usually resort to restaurant gift cards—cards he’d never use unless we were with him so he could buy us dinner. When we did come up with a creative idea, we usually overdid it...

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Our Undeniable Need For Touch

[caption id="attachment_570" align="alignnone" width="300"] Much has been written about the effect of touch on newborn babies. We sometimes forget it can work wonders on adults, too.[/caption] A friend recently told me about a conversation she had with a man at a local bar. He was telling her the story of caregiving for his wife. After describing almost a decade of medical appointments, health disappointments, and moments of family strife, he said to my friend, “Do you know the hardest part of all those years? Not being touched.” Touch and human contact isn’t something most of us talk about openly. Many of us grew...

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Holidays Can Reveal a Lot About Aging Loved Ones

After my husband’s dad moved from Swampscott to Florida, we only saw him four times a year. I like to think we traded quick weekly breakfasts at Red’s Diner for long, quality weeks together by the pool. He got to know his Florida-based grandson like he never would have, and because we stayed with him, he got to wake up with our kids (who were both under the age of 4) and spend hours watching them splash in the pool and dismantle his house—hours and overnights he wouldn’t have had if he’d stayed here and we were in different houses....

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Plan Now For Winter

[caption id="attachment_480" align="alignnone" width="300"] Can anyone really plan for this?[/caption] On these 60-degree November days where coats are optional, it’s easy to deny what’s ahead of us. My winter clothes are packed away, my kids don’t have snow pants, and my eternal search for perfect black boots has yet to begin. But, whether we like to think about it or not, winter is coming. Last winter was a long one for all of us, but for most of our clients, it was worse. We had snow by Thanksgiving and in January and February, we were walloped with snow almost every...

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Alcohol and Aging Don’t Always Mix

[caption id="attachment_545" align="alignnone" width="225"] Even "responsible drinking" can be dangerous as we age.[/caption] You don’t hear much about alcohol abuse in seniors. Not because it doesn’t exist but because most of us don’t want to talk about it publically or because we don’t see the abuse. Alcohol was a major factor in the last years of my father-in-law’s life. He was lonely, depressed, and in pain, and a glass of wine or an evening cocktail was often the one part of the day he truly enjoyed. Unfortunately, he was also on a bunch of medications and unsteady on his feet,...

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